Desperados

The protagonist of Desperados receives a Danza slap from a dolphin. She is also wrongfully accused of pedophilia. This is supposed to be a comedy, but animals and children in sexual situations are seldom, if ever, funny – or smart, but then this movie is a clear example of the Idiot Plot. Wesley (Nasim Pedrad) goes on a blind date with Sean (Lamorne Morris), who abruptly ends the date when she mentions marriage and children too often. Immediately after that, Wesley slips on a sidewalk, falls, and meets a charming man named Jared (Robbie Amell). Jared seems to be the perfect guy, so Wesley deliberately hides her true personality to ensure that the relationship works. After Jared and Wesley finally hold sexual congress, she doesn't hear from him for a few days. Upset, Wesley gets drunk with her friends and sends Jared a long, insulting email. A little while later he finally calls her and tells her that he had a car accident in Mexico, and is currently in a hospital, unable to check his email. What does Wesley do? Does she explain the misunderstanding to Jared and apologize, or does she decide to go to Jared's hotel in Mexico, sneak into his room and delete the email with the help of her friends Brooke (Anna Camp) and Kaylie (Sarah Burns)? Screenwriter Ellen Rapoport chooses option B, even though he has made damn sure we know that Wesley not only lacks gainful employment, but is also so broke she has to steal food from the houses where she works as a babysitter. Who exactly is paying for this spontaneous vacation, and why?. If Rapoport and director Lauren Palmigiano expect us to believe that an impromptu trip to a resort in one of Mexico's top three tourist destinations (i.e., Cabo San Lucas) can be put together just like that with little or no money, then the characters aren't the only idiots involved in this film. But that's just the tip of the stupid iceberg. Would you believe me if I told you that Sean (the blind date guy) just happens to be staying at the same hotel? Or that Wesley will end up finding true love with someone who loves her for who she really is and not who she pretends to be? Or that the three friends are going to stop talking to each other before returning to the United States just to have a heartfelt reconciliation back on American soil? Or that Wesley is finally going to land a job because Sean, of all people, puts in a good word for her? Or that Jared turns out to be not so perfect after all? Etc., etc., etc. Basically, Desperados is a rip-off of Road Trip (itself a rip-off of Overnight Delivery). The only thing that makes Desperados any different is that it's email instead of regular or express mail, which leads me to think that if Wesley had taken all that money she didn't have to go to Mexico and just paid some nerd to hack into Jared's email account, it would have saved all of us a lot of grief.