CinemaSerf

Apr 24, 2026

6.0

"Dao Ma" (Jing Wu) is quite merrily collecting bounties with his young friend "Xiao Qi" (Charles Ju) until he is summoned by a local governor with a proposition and subsequently, having killed the man, is forced to seek refuge amongst his friends in a remote mountain village. It is there that they ask him to return the favour by escorting "Zhi Shi Lang" (the unseen Sun Yizhou) - dressed in white robes and with a painted face mask akin to an harlequin, on a perilous journey across the Taklamakan. Unaware of the true significance of his companion, they set off only to find that they are now wanted by just about every other bounty hunter on the face of the Earth as well as by the Imperial authorities of "Gen. Pei" (Yi Zhang). Luckily, the duo have the help of the feisty and skilful archer "Anuya" (Chen Lijun) as they combat all comers. Then when they encounter the engimatic swordsman "Jade Faced Ghost" (Nicholas Tse) whose side we are never quite sure he is on, we find the odds evened up a bit and the story of the fleeing freedom fighter begins to bed in. There is no shortage of action here, indeed the thing races along energetically for two hours but somehow the characterisations just felt a bit flat. Quite possibly because there were simply too many of them to keep up with and so many, including that of "Dao Ma", are left a bit undercooked. The story of the child (Ju) also becomes important but the history of that character and his importance to the plot is also just a little under-developed and by the end we are left to watch something that is too busy. It looks great with acrobatics galore, but I felt the storytelling a bit lacklustre with too much emphasis of the stylishly choreographed combat scenes and not enough on any of the personalities. It's a solid adventure film, not a great one.

"Blades of the Guardians" follows in the footsteps of what could be characterised, in terms of genre, as "Chinese Westerns". It's a similar formula to the spaghetti Western. A rough-hewn, lone wolf character, with a questionable past, who, overcoming their personal shortcomings and trauma, ends up doing the right thing by others in need. This film's single biggest claim to fame is action. It's relentless, with wave after wave of frenetic, polished martial arts action. Given this film is set in the classic period of China's long history, this is combined with swordplay and archery to good effect. By all means watch this film just for these elements; it's an amazing watch. Where this film falls down somewhat is in the storytelling department. The characters' motivations are married up to an impoverished back story that does leave the film feeling a little contextually empty. The space is occupied largely by exposition. In summary, compelling martial arts action is front and centre in Blades of the Guardians. It's just a shame a little more effort had not been spent developing a rich backstory to complement it. As it stands, a 6/10 from me.

Zeus

Jul 13, 2026

9.0

9/10 stars review ratings from me; it is a well deserve review. It's been a long time since the movie 14Blades, Red Cliff etc. And 2026 is just the right year to have a great movie like this to appear. No nonsense fight scenes Great cinematography and it just feels right on every angle that you look at it. There is a few twist .. on the plot but not to heavy that makes you confuse. All in all, its a splendid watch.

WTF am I watching? Are these subtitles correct? \[SPOILERS AHEAD\] 1. Ayuya: Young Master of the Mo, a formidable young woman who appears to be the captain of an all-female elite guard, is excited at the prospect of women being able to stay out all night in some other town she's never been to. I'm sorry, but your presumed position of authority gives you the ability to stay out all night, every night, whenever the !@#$ you feel to. Is this how we sidestep the "woke" brand? By having our badass women act like complete and utter !@#$ing morons? 2. "Why is that child's face so dirty?" One minute later. "Why is that child's face so dirty?" Three minutes later. "Seriously, can someone get a wash cloth and wipe the child's face? Why is the child's face so !@#$ing dirty?" 3. Wait, wait, wait. So you're gonna give him the scroll to learn who this Lord Ping Wing is, then take it back as he's about to read it? Yousa c@#$ owah? 4. Wait, wait, wait. How is escorting this rebel going to wash away all his debt? He's allegedly the second most wanted man in "the world". Is Lord Ping Wing gonna become Emprah Ping Wing when they get to their destination and absolve him of all his sins? He just killed Jet Bean! Is Jelly Bean going to just forgive him? What the !@#$ am I watching? 5. What the !@#$ am I watching? 6. WHAT THE !@#$ AM I WATCHING?! 7. I'm not sure I'm gonna finish this movie. 8. Oh, Lord Ping Wing is a pretty boy in facepaint! 9. Wait, wait, wait. Back up. Who let "the deadweights" out of the kitchen? Seriously, what is up with her characterization and why is she acting like a child on a !@#$ing field trip? She's "Young Master of the Mo", for !@#$'s sake. She just saved this fool's life literally yesterday! "Broaden her horizons?!" By taking her on a field trip to the town where Duck Mo is a wanted man? While escorting Lord Pretty Boy Facepaint?! You issa c@#$. You is defo a c@#$. What the !@#$ am I watching? 10. What peach blossoms? They're in the !@#$ing desert! 11. Why is Lord Pretty Boy Facepaint riding so hard? Kekekekeke! Did the director say "Ride my pony harder, with feeling this time!" The actor wilding out on the damn horse like they got the lame horse that day. "You doh understand, I need to ride this horsey twice as hard to keep up with the others!" Wham to you? Calm down! 12. Couldn't we leave the dirty faced kid home? In all fairness, they couldn't give the Ayuya's second in command a wash cloth either. 13. It's Lord Pretty Boy Facepaint! My master is gonna be delighted to meet you! He has a pony for you to wild out on too! Kekekeke! Seriously, this fool couldn't wash his face since apparently everyone knows him by his facepaint? Yousa c@#$ owah? 14. "Ermahgerd! It really is Lord Pretty Boy Facepaint! D8<" That's exactly the face Mr. Two Lives guard is making. 15. Welp! I didn't see that coming! Seems Lord Pretty Boy Facepaint has secret admirers! 16. "Now that I've seen your facepaint, I can die in peace!" Someone Batslap this fool. The goal is end the injustice and make "the world" peachy again, moron. Not jizz your pants in a meet cute. !@#$ is wrong with you? 17. "Please sir, when is the world gonna be covered in your peachy blossom?!" Sir, you live in a !@#$ing desert. Less than a minute later, Lord Pretty Boy Facepaint pulls out a peach blossom from his bosom and pins it on Ermahgerd Jizzboy. What the !@#$ am I watching? 18. Welp! Jelly Bean is proper ded. I guess Duck Mo really will be absolved of all sins! 19. Did I just watch a one-eyed Jack, pelt a horse at a bottle from like a mile off, striking the bottle and making Lord Pretty Boy Facepaint flop over into the sand? 20. Uh... Lord Pretty Boy Facepaint issa clown. How is this guy the most wanted man in "the world"? "He's mine! Noh, he's mine!" Is because of what he represents, you see. He represents... Peach blossoms in the desert on April 1st! What the !@#$ am I watching? 21. One reviewer mentioned Red Cliff (2008/9) while praising this movie for having no nonsense fight scenes. Every scene in this movie, so far, is nonsense. Another said "compelling martial arts action is front and centre". I'm 1/3 of the way through and there's been two fight scenes, and neither of them were *that* compelling. 22. We are now watching The Hateful Eight (2015). Lord Pretty Boy Facepaint is Chris Mannix, the lady in chains is Daisy Domergue, Silver Long Bottom is "The Hangman", and Duck Mo is Major Mark West a.k.a. Mr. Big D@#$ In Your Box! Well ain't love grand?! Am I done with this nonsense yet?